Sunday, March 13, 2011

Nurturing Type

Lewinsky here, going to blog about something rather than proof that Mel didn't invite to L.A art walk/5* bar but whatever, sooooo over it. Anyways, I have a few things in my mind I feel need to be said to the world about guys, relationships, cheating, and great sex.

"The Other Woman"
  That used to be me. I got a rush out of guys cheating on their girlfriends with me. I loved the chase and the thrill of claiming someone that wasn't supposed to be mine for an hour or so. This was amazing BUT do not think I was out whoring around for pleasure. If I was gonna be number 2, you best believe I was getting some hush money, or at least some good drugs(at the time). Eventually it got boring and I met this guy...

"the EX UGLY girlfriend"
  So it happened twice. I met my high school sweetheart. We fell into puppy love and close to our one year anniversary he finally tells me he's in love with his ex girlfriend BUT that he wanted to go talk to her & for me to wait for him. Ummm, how about a big fuck no?! So of course I just decided to party and boy was that some of the funnest times of my life. But anyways fastforward to my next relationship where I meet this guy who was sooo ugly but I fell in love with him inside then out but that's a different story. So he tells me all the things his ex girlfriend did to him and I was like OMG no wayyy!!!~ &then one day I get a friend request on fb...from his ex. Lo and behold, it unraveled before my eyes they had a thing going on & I confronted him about it & guess what he says after I begged him I forgave him(ugggh I know, stupid girl) &he said "I've known her longer. Sorry." &then he fed me this bullshit about how he was heading to a makeup show with her &if nothing happened he'd call me back. He never did. Until months later, where we had great sex & I found he was still with her...He was cheating on her with me. Ironic.
  Anyways, so I realized then FUCK. It happened to me twice?! WTF is wrong with me. I looked at both of their ex gf's and I just couldn't see it...I'm ~pr3ttier!!!#$@ But then I realized what they both relationships had in common...

  First boyfriend I'll refer to as J  was chasing after his ex. I would listen to him talk about her & it bugged me because I liked him but we were friends so I had to hold it in. Being the realist I am, I give good advice & don't bullshit., but I heard him out. & I was there. & while she was ignoring him, I was there. & J asked me out. &it was amazing for a while but I was just a temporary fix until he realized he was still missing K(the ex).
  Second man, C, had gotten out of a relationship. &although he wasn't the hottest guy(at the time), I went out with him. &I spoiled him. &I put him on a pedastal, heard him out, was there for hiim while his ex was out eating doing I don't know what. I was a temporary fix for him as well until his ex came back. &he jumped on the chance to go for her...
  So analyzing, the situation, I realize that I'm a temporary fix for men, even in relationships. They come for me for comfort, for someone to nurture them, to feed them all the attention in the world until they are fulfilled and ready to go back to where they feel home is...and it wasn't in my arms.

  For a long time, I felt this was karmas way of coming to bite me in the ass for all the time I got a rush from being the other women. And maybe it was. But this was different. I was toying with emotions, I was toying with their dick!

"Right Now"
  The relationship I am in now, he's very caring. I'm happiest in a month with R than I was with those 2 assholes up there combined. BUT he was in a serious relationship with some crackhead before me for six years. They lived together. Yeah, that's some serious shit. &then here I come to the rescue telling him he deserves the best & all that jazz & we're together.
  And here I am writing this. Because for once in my life I have no fucking idea what to do. It's happened to me twice before. I should leave him now before it happens to me again but I'm intrigued at this hint of love. I want to stick around but I want to leave before I get hurt. He says he wont put me through shit and that he's completely over her BUT he spends the weekends sleeping over her house to work with her dad. &if I know ugly girls the way I do, I can see me blogging in the future a big "I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO LEAVE WHEN..." but somehow I want to stay. Because he has a baby face. And puppy eyes. &gives good head. Oh and he loves me. &he got cheated on as well. So I'm gonna stay, for now. Ultimately I just want R to love me without having anyone else in the back of his mind.


I'm a massochist. I love when something hurts good, physically. But I might just chase pain emotionally as well. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Either way, I hope it works out with me and R.

I saw this quote somewhere once & it just summarized me:
"I'm the nurturing type. I take in broken bad boys only for them to bite. But is it something I like?"



No comments:

Post a Comment