I haven't really wrote anything recently because I'm a slave to work but aside from that, there hasn't been anything going on in my personal life that sparked interest in me writing up a blog until these past two weeks.
I've become fairly close with two females in my life, which I thought would never happen, mostly because the only girl friend I allow room for is Mel. But alas, I have bonded with Vee and Bee. And what created this bond? An unexplained phenomenon happening to women everywhere...a guy named Alex.
Alex. He's that one guy in every females life. It begins so innocent, like it's meant to be. And everything starts so fast and ends so quick. In that quick time frame, everything changes. It's like you're left with an aching pain in your heart that you never quite recover from. Life goes on, and you're stuck in a time frame dealing with emotions and lies and compassion that you've never quite experienced with anyone else. It almost feels like a sickness and worries begin if you will ever truly understand what it was or if you'll experience what happened with Alex with anyone else in the world.
It's starts with the girl being pretty, perfectly caring and seemingly normal. She meets him, in highschool or a pizza parlor or even MySpace(lawl). To begin with, they're not even that attractive. Some might even give their bff the Alex's car license plate number in case he tries to kidnap her because he's just that different from all the other guys the girl has dated. Yet she's intrigued with this different, slightly rough looking male species named Alex. It's the way he makes her laugh when no one else is around. It's the way he's protective of her when they're out shopping. It's the way she doesn't hesitate to drive to him or take a couple of busses to get a kiss, or a just be in his presence. It's the way SHE'LL pay for dinner. It's the way she nurtures him. It's the way that within that short time frame, everything feels complete. It's not perfect but it's balanced. It's the way her friends tell her "You're too good for him!". It's the way the parents don't approve of him. It's the way his family adores her. It's the way he confines in her about how he was hurt. It's the way she comforts him. It's the way she lays in bed and in that moment, nothing or no one can come between that bond, so safe...so pure. It's that promise herself that she'd never hurt him like her. It's that promise to herself that she'd make him happy, because he deserves to. It's that laugh she shares to herself when no one else is around about how she ever could've thought he was ugly when the way he is with her, he's the most perfect human being ever. It's that feeling of feeling so lucky..too lucky.
It's the way he turns cold when it becomes too much too soon...and he leaves her.
After she is left, she is helpless. The feeling of being left begins the journey to put the pieces back together. To chase him. To ignite the flame that burned so bright and with just one breeze, blew out. She doesn't care that all these things are out of her element. Shit, she has her friends and family trying to make her smile. Telling her to let it go, it's better off that way. "He was ugly anyways!". Blah blah blah...it doesn't matter. It's all noise. It's like a part of her has died. Like a part of her is forever missing. And she tries to fill that void with whatever she can. It's only in that state of deliriousness that she's able to forget about the pain. The memories. The thoughts of him being back with that girl that never let him be happy. Killing her are thoughts of them kissing on his bed and Alex introducing her to all the places the girl paid for.
And the fury begins. To get Alex out of her life. That it's true, she really doesn't need him. And this time it's "for reals". She really IS done. She even laughs at the thought of ever even thinking she loved a guy like Alex. For a moment she almost does believe herself. But it's all lies. She still thinks about him every night. Looks at the pictures. A pang of jealousy in the pit of her stomach knowing he's in bed with HER. Kissing HER...but she's trying. She really is.
Whenever she feels like she IS over him, Alex texts her. Always expressing his gratitude towards her. It's like a game of cat and mouse. It's like she's trying to escape him. She doesn't want to talk to him. It's like she's trying to move but when he senses she's letting go of that short time spent together, hanging by a thread, he finds a way to make those feelings flood back. Making her feel special. Making her smile. Even saying the guy she's with isn't right for her. This bond is there for life. This mutual agreement that they'll always be there for each other but never together as one but time passes...she never really knows what it is she wants.
There's a time when the girl finally lets Alex go. Whether it be because something didn't add up to the terms of this mutual agreement or getting caught by her current beau texting Alex but indeed, it ends. The Alex phenomenon ends. Just as quickly as it started. It's like something clicks in the girls head and she knows what she wants. She wants to be free'd from that time frame she held so dearly close to her heart. Time does it's thing now the healing begins. No more late night texting, phone calls or visits from Alex. No more running back to Alex for that comfort when things go wrong. Just no more Alex. She just moves on and builds something with someone who actually appreciates her and wont leave her when the flame burns bright. Instead, it's teamwork to the success of their fire.
Sometimes she'll hear of him, and instead of the feelings coming flooding back to her, she just stops and smiles at a memory. Never regretting that it happened.
Guys don't have an Alex. They have a Brenda. Now I can't get too detailed because the guys I've known to have a Brenda paint her as a complete bitch, and hey, maybe she is/was but the good parts are always censored. And maybe that's the same reasons they don't discuss them much. Just kind of briefly. Guys deal with their emotions differently obviously.They prefer simplicity. Unlike girls and Alex, men and Brenda just end. No comfort. No closure. It just ends. They keep it simple. It's done and done with. At night, they might stay up and wonder "What if..?" or "If only THIS never happened..." tracing back the steps of what could've/should've happened but the reality is that it's gone and no longer a part of their life. Men build this wall to keep females out of their hearst and into their bed. No time for pain caused by a Brenda.
From what I gather from the opposite sex, they last so long with a girl like Brenda because regardless of the pain and hurt, a love still exists. And when I mean long, I mean long. It's always a never ending cycle of breaking up and making it work again. It drags on for 4+ years. While I'm sitting there listening to their story of this evil Brenda, I can't help but to ask "Why?!!!!" and they'll simply reply..."I loved her". In most cases, they've grown accustomed to each other. They knew how to manipulate and tell each other what they needed to say. To make each other stay or from growing apart.
And it's then that I can make the connection between an Alex and a Brenda. Brenda's shape the Alex of tomorrow for girls that haven't gave love/lust a chance. For the girls who enjoy the attention from guys that she's not interested in. For the girls that didn't care or have a need for a man in her life. And that's why she is intrigued by an Alex. It's the thrill of "What's causing this Alex to push her away?" only to find out it ended for him to settle for a Brenda.
What really makes Alex leave the girl? Comfort.
One of my favorite songs from Animal Collective! Just listening to it makes my day, though I haven’t had time to listen to their new material Song Tongs was an amazing album which I highly recommend. Enjoy and have a lovely weekend.
I couldn’t start my sleepless Monday better of than with some Velvet Underground. Truly one of the greatest pioneering musical acts from the 60’s(lacking the great recognition they deserve). Yet there music will always live on!