THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD...

is lying to yourself. I'm lying to myself every fucking day that it's okay, that I'm okay. And it's not. It's never been okay. Not then. And definitely not now.There's nothing I can do but to keep lying to myself that it didn't happen. That it's not happening, not then and not now. If I could, I'd stop. But I can't, because it feels so good, that comfort, that similarity, that sense of security, and the reassurance of what it was, what it is and everything it could have been. I'm obsessed. I've become obsessed. It isn't right, and really I should get help but I can't. Because I keep lying to myself that it's different now, definitely different....